Love Lead The Law
Coming home after a fun girl’s night out, I walked into my apartment in utter shock as it was turned all around! I had my own apartment at the time, but Eric and I were getting married in a couple of weeks, so he had a key to our soon-to-be newlywed pad. He and his friends knew me for being an “everything in its place” kind of girl. So, while I was out that night with the girls, he and the boys thought it would be hilarious to take my mattress and put it in the shower, hide all the picture frames and candles in the kitchen cabinets, and move my living room all around. At first, walking in, I was dumbfounded at the sight, but it didn’t take me long to land on two words, “the boys.” Now, when I think back on it, I smile from ear to ear. After all, they took their precious time and energy to play a prank on muah.
What I didn’t know then was that several years later I would still be saying those same two words, “the boys.” Except now, it’s not about Eric and his friends, but towards my own three boys when it comes to them dealing with my “everything in its place” attitude.
In motherhood I’ve found that this attitude has led me to having many “Pharisee moments” towards my boys. You see, the Pharisees in the Bible were religious leaders who were very strict about the law. They were really good at finger pointing and not so good at grace and love. They looked nice on the outside, but the inside was a different story. The whole chapter of Matthew 23 warns us about them, as Jesus calls them blind guides and hypocrites.
Like a Pharisee, there have been moments when I have parented the boys with more law than love. Laws and rules have their place and they are good, but in my lawful attitude of everything should always be in its place, I’ve cast shame when I see coke cans on their dressers, or clothes all over the floor. As if I’ve never been a teenager before! But let’s face it, some days the boys rock my world with joy and laughter, and other days their chaos rocks my sanity!
Over the years I’ve learned that leading with quiet love is more teachable than speaking louder with anger that goes in one ear and out the other. Yet, even with this sweet wisdom tucked snuggly in my knower, I’ve still allowed the law to lead my responses instead of letting my love lead the law.
I recently read Matthew 5:17 where Jesus himself says, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” He knew the law was good and that not one letter of it would disappear, but he came to fulfill the law in love, not lord it over people like the Pharisee did, or like me lording it over my boys with, “Were you raised in a barn?” questioning. Actually, Jesus fulfilled in love, because he was loved. He knew how loved he was by his Father and that led his willingness and obedience.
As much as I love a clutter free space and get onto my boys for keeping it clutter free, it’s inevitable that mom-guilt will ensue every time I respond to them with Pharitude. When that happens, I find myself going back to them and apologizing—better late than never—reversing it from a Pharisee moment into a teachable moment. Honestly, the boys could care less if everything’s in its place, as long as the snacks are in their place! No matter what, there’s coming a day when I’ll think back and be smiling at all the ways “the boys” turned my world around. Until then, I must remember that things won’t always remain in their place forever. Which is why I should love every moment for what it is. Especially the steps Ian takes every night to give me a goodnight hug and kiss me on my forehead, and the Monday nights when I get to hear Isaiah pray (because that’s his night to pray), and the times I get to watch Eli serve his brothers (because he says daddy told him he has a servants heart like his momma). Soon, everything will be out of place just like the mattress in the shower, but love will last forever.